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The Humpty-Dumpty
I am really the one she counts on. Just ask her.
HUSBAND
He needs to think I count on him.
WIFE
This is the fragile male, the man whose wife reports a private displeasure with sex in the marriage but protects her husband from that knowledge. For years, she has created a role for him to fill that enhances his self-image. Long-standing sexual problems are sometimes present in this situation, but the wife has been reluctant to disclose this trouble in order to protect what she sees as her husband’s low self-esteem.
The Hypocrite
I fake it. I’ll admit it. I fake it. I really turn it on. She expects it.
HUSBAND
This is the husband who is faking his sexual satisfaction. While it is assumed by some clinicians that more women fake sexual fulfillment, my interviews indicate that men fake it at least as often as women. They may groan and moan and mock a sexual delight, but they privately disclose a sense of incompleteness. It seems easier to this man to fake than to open up with his wife and learn approaches to a new intimacy.
The Hesitator
I can go on forever. I can hold back until she has her full cycle.
HUSBAND
This is the husband who attempts to control his ejaculation and in the process ends up controlling the entire sexual act. He tries to take turns, fulfilling his wife and then trying to fulfill himself. The wife may sense this control and would actually enjoy more freedom and spontaneity. Sex seems somehow a project, with the wife grading the final product.
I hate to brag, but my wife is one lucky lady. If I were a woman, I would give anything to make love with me.
HUSBAND
This is the sexual athlete husband. Typically one or more gold necklaces adorn his neck, and gold bracelets are on each wrist. Actually, there is much fragility to this man, but he hides behind a mask of super stud. Sex for him becomes an event or performance rather than a mutually intimate sharing. The wife may feel more like a sexual teammate than a partner, sharing a form of aerobic intercourse.
One wife of a “hunk” reported, “The other night he hit himself in his front tooth with that damn necklace he wears. It banged him and I know it must have knocked a piece of his tooth out. He didn’t miss a thrust, though. The game must go on.”
The Hurt
I really deserve more. I have put up with so much. My childhood was a wreck. And now I can’t even get my wife to really want me.
HUSBAND
This is the “poor me” husband who feels sexually unappreciated, misunderstood, and deprived. He seems to look for mercy sex, a sex born of sympathy, a marital gift, rather than a vulnerable and mutual give-and-take.
“He has the Eeyore Complex like Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh,” said the wife of a “hurt” husband. “He tries to mope me into sex. It just turns me off more.”
TheHumper
I don’t know what she complains about. I give her a great ride. When I am in the saddle, she knows she has been on a real trip.
HUSBAND
This is the “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am” husband who may even have sex with his wife while she is sleeping (or perhaps while she pretends she is sleeping). Immediately upon contact, he begins to hump, to thrust his pelvis. This male may experience ejaculatory problems due to the muscle tension he creates in the pelvic area. He creates similar problems for his wife, who feels done to instead of with.
*134\97\8*
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